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Is it an old or a young woman in the picture? This illusion illustrates how our mind gathers information to fit a particular mental picture and sometimes balks at allowing us to see something different—despite the evidence. Do we ever get adamant about our view being the only way to look at something rather than examining why another person sees something differently? (The chin of the young woman is the nose of the older woman.)

What this illusion shows reminds me of years ago when I went into a windowless storage shed in our backyard. A gust of wind suddenly blew the door shut. Turning around and trying to adjust to the sudden dark interior, I welcomed the ray of light coming into the darkness around the edge of the door. It hadn’t completely shut off all sunlight.

I moved toward that ray of light, intrigued by all the little dust particles I saw floating in that narrow beam of sunlight. However, when I stepped into the light, my eyes looked along that sunbeam, and what I saw changed. In an instant, I witnessed something unexpected. As my gaze followed the sunbeam, it went beyond the darkness inside the room. It soared beyond the door to the lush green trees and blue sky outside, where the sun shone brilliantly. During this moment of personal discovery, I realized that my position and the object of my focus influenced my perception of reality. Two different perspectives gave me two distinct experiences.

That was my first realization of how different the experience can be when you look along the sunbeam instead of standing at its side in the dark and merely looking at it. Realizing this simple truth would affect the rest of my life as I viewed other things.

For example: When I picture a woman or a wife or a mother in my mind, am I standing on the sideline picking and poking at loose threads I see in my tapestry pictured, or am I stepping into the light and immersing myself in it? Some want to stand to the side and critically dismantle the tapestry by pulling loose threads until they destroy the image. Which am I doing?

When I listen to people argue and war over words and their meaning regarding womanhood, I remember the two examples above and remind myself that it all depends upon where a person stands and where they focus their attention.

Suppose I’m trying to put meaning into what a woman or a wife or a mother is. In that case, I want to look for proven and tested women who’ve been around for more than 3-4 decades, have faced crises, stared death in the face, and remained successful over the long term at being a woman, wife, or mother. I’m looking for someone like grandmothers or widows of long marriages—not some young twenty-something or even a college professor. However, I might watch others as they experience more years of life and its trials to see how they and their views hold up during difficulties.

The world around us seems like those standing in the darkness, looking at the beam of light from the side. Some scream or shout about the particles of dust they see. However, as a Christ follower, I want to step into the light and look along the sunbeam’s light to see the bigger picture, i.e., see God’s world through the Word of God. Jesus said, He is the light of the world, and I won’t walk in darkness if I follow Him. (John 8:12) Once I was old enough to reason about these questions, I searched Proverbs 31 for character qualities. In this passage, a queen mother instructs her royal son on choosing an excellent wife. This exercise taught me much about womanhood, motherhood, and being a wife.

I see in Proverbs 31 that this woman is a willing worker who manages her household well; she is wise and kind, and she plans ahead. She provides for the needs of her household appropriately, for they are a high priority to her. However, she also has a business with products that she sells. In addition to helping those less fortunate, she buys land and plants a vineyard. She doesn’t neglect her children or husband; they call her blessed. She even supports her husband to such an extent that he knows he can trust her always to do him good.

Does it sound like this wife and mother is an unhappy woman in servitude? I think not. She “laughs” at a time to come instead of worrying and fretting. She is busy helping others, running her business, making investments for her family, and running her household. Her children rise up and call her blessed, as does her husband, who praises her. This selection points out the beauty found in a woman who fears the LORD. 

Over the years, I’ve learned a lot from this passage. However, I’ve also learned a lot from interacting with various older women who practiced a lifetime of walking in the light. I learned that we are our best when we serve others and don’t demand the world revolve around us. Neither are we struggling for hope or purpose, for we’ve found it.

As I’ve gotten older and looked back on my life—what gives me the most satisfaction? Is it my profession or degrees or the glass ceilings I broke? Is it the businesses I’ve owned or presentations I’ve made? The books or papers I’ve written? No, it’s not about any of those. It is all about seeing God’s impact on the lives around me, especially in my family. Watching my children and grandchildren mature and accomplish their life goals is thrilling. It makes all those dirty diapers and sacrifices worth it.

Why not say an encouraging word to your loved ones now while you still have the opportunity?

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psalms 119:105 ESV).